surrender

I surrendered to her... She is in my dreams, with me and then away, in the dream I continue trying to contact her as if re-living the moment of my failure... It's been 3 years since I was with her in person but I can still see her vividly as if I was with her yesterday. The pain of our separation lingers like an amputated limb, the cold heartache of loss stronger every day in order to remind me of what I've done and where it has taken my life. It took me away from someone I needed, away from someone who saw through my exterior and into my heart, someone I mistreated and lied to. Her warmth and love is not meant for me... When we separated I was tossed into my own world of horrors and paranoia, a punishment for having taken granted the gift of a lover. I am frozen in that moment of desperation and loneliness, her perfection rejecting my flaw of existence.