Inevitable

I don't get it - Every single time I lie down just to relax and clear my mind a little, my sister and her goonish boyfriend stomp into the room above me, burping and slamming cans of coke down on the table, then turning on the godforsaken TV with its booms of advertising slogans and utterly nonsensical and pointless shit. Every time. Especially when I'm beginning to focus on some serious issues in my life, or even just opening my eyes to appreciate the beauty of the springtime atmosphere shining in through the window. When they enter my field of perception I feel anger, hate and confusion. Not nice emotions to exit a meditative state through. They are up there all day, every day, from noon until 4 in the morning, just staring blankly. I don't understand it.

Since I had a pretty bad depressive breakdown yesterday, I am trying my best to stay in a relatively positive mood, and succeeding a little, except for these frantic packets of time where the opposite of calmness and peace screams its sick message into my unwilling ears and I am not able to shut it out. Is it the inevitable doom of all peace-seekers to eventually face the harsh, prescribed "truth" that is imposed upon the masses? It sometimes seems that the more I look for something to guide me through this physical reality, the adversary to what I am looking for appears instead (not talking about synchromysticism or conspiracy research, these are 2 things that have been my spiritual friends through current times) almost instantly. Is the only real path in life to work a low-paying job, live in a shitty apartment and do what you actually like to do on the side? I don't think so. Unfortunately that has been my only option up to this point in my "adult life", and no matter how hard I try and change that the mechanized droids who thrive on a soulless existence apprehend me each and every time. I am searching for alternatives.