Questionable

Happiness seems hard to find. It's like no matter where I look I find distress and leave that place wondering how many traps I can fall into before I give up on life itself. I can never find what it is I'm looking for. I can't expect to find love in the world when I have so much trouble loving myself.

Everything's kind of shadowy now... I feel like I allow others to manipulate my actions and thoughts too easily, I have nothing to look forward to concerning myself, it is only in others which I find any comfort in. I need acceptance. I need to know that I'm not alone, while also knowing that I am truly on my own in what I do with my life. Should it be liberating to know that I control my own destiny? I think it should, but at the same time I fear that I may get myself into something I didn't want. Since this utter loneliness lingers over my every thought, I can only imagine that, "spiritually", I've found myself in some sort of void. Am I happy here? I wake up depressed, wanting time to just end, and fall asleep even more depressed feeling completely helpless and foolish. It is my sorrow which fills my inner self with tears, weighing me down and drowning that inside of me which yearns to breathe.

It's a place I've found in my mind which is chaotic, but cyclic, the revolution of my pain grinding away at whatever could have saved me from myself...