Smothered Hope

Well, I just woke up at 2:45 and proceeded to listen to music and ingest harmful carcinogens. Can't keep something so unhealthy a secret for long.



I like Jake's new color scheme over at the Blob. It's almost the same colors as the dog's spandex rave-gear in my profile pic. He seems to be in a "post as many pictures of hot chicks as possible" phase, which I have zero problems with. Alyson Hannigan... drool. Except in My Stepmother Is An Alien (she's like 12 in that), a movie which I believe I've seen as it was released the year I was born, and movies from that era bring back many of those synchronistic "I've been this same consciousness the whole time and this happened so that this could happen..." feelings that a mushroom trip can bring. Many repressed memories from that time. I remember seeing a movie involving aliens in a human environment that scared the bejeezus out of me, probably either Whitley Streiber's Contact or MSIA.

Either way, just knowing that aliens had been conceived of mentally had driven me at a very young age to dream about space, and gave me the appropriate fear of the unknown that is natural (at least in this society) at that age. By this time I was having those strange ritual nightmares where you have to choose one of your parents and the one you didn't choose gets dropped into hell. In that dream, given a highly traumatic decision to make, I chose my Dad (because I knew that without my dad around, I'd grow up without all the material things that I had. I've definitely changed). Coincidentally or not, my mother passed away last year. I haven't gotten to blaming myself for it. Another dream involved one of my friends throwing himself into a lake of fire in front of me. After those two, most of my dreams were good or just neutral, until 2006 when I started waking up in my dreams more and more often.

My mother's ancestry was german (hitler's definition of "aryan". Blonde hair, blue eyes, they moved out of germany before WW1) on her mother's side and native american (blackfoot) on her father's side. On my dad's side, his father is of german and celtic origin, and his mother is scots-irish. If anyone sees any ties to bloodlines here, let me know. I already know I am a Walker Between Worlds. If there is anything I can do to heal this plague we've been exposed to, I need to know.