lonely hours of the night

I spent a lot of time alone in my last apartment. My roommate wouldn't stick around because I was in the process of showing him things that I had learned from paying attention to coincidences, and he reacted strange. At first I didn't understand, but after a long drive with me showing him the symbols all around us and what they meant, he told me that his family was in a commune (which actually turned out to be a cult) when he was really young. I didn't know what to say. Something had hit really close to home for him and he couldn't handle hearing about what was going on. He was interested in astrology but just superficially, although he did point out that everyone in the band that we were in at the time was born under a Fire sign (I'm a Leo, he's an Aries, guitarist is a Sagittarius. The weird thing is, when my ex-roomie left the band, another Aries replaced him). I really had no one to talk to for a long time. I didn't have the internet or cable and I just worked to pay the rent and read books in my spare time. I've had to move out twice now, but the only fake money that is available to me is minimum wage. I held hope in the thought that maybe society would progress along with me, in noticing the flaws of this corrupt system. It wasn't my way out of anything, it was my way into doing something with my life that didn't seem like a hopeless clusterfuck. I value meeting new people who aren't inclined to abject, crippling ignorance, and you won't meet many people like that in real life, or at least they aren't showing their true self. Everyone has a facade up, and the negative things that they think about themselves (their love-hate-template), they project onto you in a psychotic carousel of cruel laughter and reptilian apathy towards human emotions. This is the game that I observe whenever I step outside into consensus reality, a state of mind which is, in its current state, horrifying. It is this connected framework which needs bugs (your average illuminati scum) extracted and crushed. But perhaps we extend the game further by wishing their own methods upon them... Then again, they deserve it.


I've been listening to a lot of Killing Joke lately, namely Brighter Than A Thousand Suns and Night Time. Definitely something I've been missing out on, really nostalgic at the same time... not sure how that works