Regression!

A few bloggers are mentioning a feeling of "dreamy" proportions. I am no stranger to this... I have felt things are just a little out of control for a couple of years now, whereas before I was only interested in my own gain and I subconsciously existed as though I was in control of the universe (i.e., certain things were in place in order for me to overcome and experience new things) but the more my mind explored and my heart burned, the more I realized that the universe is so much more than what I can see in front of me. I now have a stronger tendency to exist through my heart rather than my brain, and things are a little chilly. Perhaps from years of traumatic situations involving my parents and school which were completely out of my control. School was bad... I was always the weird, ostracized person in any group. I was more into hanging out with 1-2 good friends, and life/god punished me by placing me in classes which none of my few friends were in, and they got to be in classes with friends that they were making. I wonder what the point of all this pain is.


Things are at a standstill. It's as if the chaos doubling in the world overloaded the system and it's currently crashing. I am getting a few "glitches" in the form of what I would call "time loops", where I (seemingly) automatically become stuck in a frame of mind over a period of hours in the day/night. Lately I've been sleeping all day, falling asleep right as the sun rises and waking right when it sets. Reminds me of common "vampire" behavior. A few "friends" have told me that I can be an extremely "energy-draining" person to be around. I don't like taking a position of authority so I can't really say who is responsible for all the bad things in the world, though I have come to the conclusion that it is something occult and beyond the minds of average folk. I received visions of absolutely horrible acts being perpetrated by Freemasons, Zionists and other elite cults which makes me think they are at the center of some of the high strangeness going on, as in creating sort of an existential portal to a place I can only perceive as being Hell, and they've been at it for thousands of years. I am not a Christian, though it is an extremely corrupted term! I have been accused several times (even by close friends) of following Christian beliefs just for quoting scripture to support my ideas, which are heavily against the mind-control measures taken in modern Christianity. To me it is as if those who have "crossed the abyss" (to use a Kabalist term) with their mind cannot grasp the depth of the Heart/Center, and I am currently attempting the leap of faith with my Heart by following my intuition.

Of course, great change comes with taking this path... It is what I was looking for, after all. I saw something disgusting in the world, and am now actively opposed to the degradation of humanity. I hope we can at least agree on that...