Growing and learning

My previous post contained some fragments of thoughts which I felt were necessary to expose. I seem to be in a state of transition, which I have been showing myself previews of for the past 3 years. Being dependent on the acceptance of others is a never-ending effort, proving extremely stressful and damaging to the mind. Most of my harsh feelings towards myself stem from thinking that my ideas and writings don't live up to what is expected of someone in my "field of research". Realizing this is a cycle which destroys any real semblance of one-ness is essential to reaching a state in which healing oneself both individually and in oceanic-mind aspects is possible, and full consciousness of the center of the true self can begin. Tim Leary said, paraphrasing: "In order to do good, you have to FEEL good." My mind will think me into dark pits sometimes, and the sad part is that I'm doing it to myself. I cannot continue my cycle of self-destruction if I am ever to bring about any sort of positive change. It all seems difficult, yet at the same time, so incredibly simple, another aspect of Duality. Part of this can begin with breathing properly, which circulates blood and energetic activity towards the Center of the body. For this to actually have any effect, you need an idea of how to BE inside this center. But that remains up to the reader's experience and realization of what they consider their true self to be. This "phase" that I, as an individual person, am going through seems to be one of learning true responsibility. I feel I am a part of something big, but not big and unwieldy, something big and awesome. It is an inner power which can be seen as a burden, or as a great opportunity. I hold the deepest respect for those who have shared this path and taken this opportunity to open eyes and hearts.


If anyone hasn't seen Ben Stewart's Kymatica yet, I suggest you head over to Red Ice and check it out. I was in a deeply relaxed state the entire time I was watching it, because Ben explores the metaphysical concept of "outer darkness lies within" first thing in the video (it seems like he knows people are having some trouble with it), which is a concept I currently need a better understanding of. I'm sure "the answer" will reach me when I least expect it...