As I drifted off to sleep last night, I was in a bit of a depressive frenzy internally. I will sometimes get random spasms of self-hate and panic. It's odd how a slate can be wiped clean with one thought as an eraser, to vanquish personal progress and one's idea of self...
My first dream went like this: I was in what appeared to be an internet cafe, which I've never been in. I was walking around, looking at what other people were looking at, and a strange detail popped out at me: Everyone had guns here. Whether it be a small six shooter, or a Colt, I was walking around and observing the guns, which the people in the cafe were displaying to me as I walked up to them and they gave me a strange feeling, as if I was being singled out and mocked. I reached someone who had a Colt as I mentioned earlier, and he pointed it at me. I managed to wrest it from his grip and I think I shot him with it. Weird. I don't think I've ever (intentionally) killed or injured someone in a dream before, but I'm sure I had a reason...
Dream 2: An old friend appeared before me and we both had weird knives which looked like fondue forks. I had the feeling he was really angry with me, and everything sort of morphed around until I was in a car with his brother, the "emotional resonance" was that we were worried and trying to get away from something in the early morning hours. We eventually reached their house, and my friend attacked both of us with his knife, stabbing his brother repeatedly (there was weird etheric black "blood" flying around in slow motion), then wrestling me to the ground and stabbing me in the face. It felt like I had been numbed but I could still sense the blade moving around inside of my cheek. I eventually escaped him, I don't remember what I did but he was now gone. I talked with his dad in their garage and he was asking me why all this was happening.
Dream 3: I recognized some old friends from high school which had also been friends of the guy in dream 2. We were on some sort of subway train or something, but it stopped in what appeared to be a convenience store, and I exited only to turn around and see that the train was now a swinging tram over some water. I got on and it was kind of fun, swinging back and forth like a pendulum. I exited again and sensed that I was being chased by more people with guns. I got on my hands and knees (easier to move around in dreams this way than try and run on both legs, oddly enough) and ran away from them, going between aisles and peeking my head up only to see them firing their guns in my direction. They never caught up with me.
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I woke up feeling really awful, as if I had been through hell. I really can't capture the mood of these dreams as they were dreary and bleak, the middle of night pitch black and early morning light gloom permeating each one. I have no idea what they mean, and I don't think I want to know...
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