Contact made with... something.

Last night I was offered some Krazy Kannabis, and I didn't think twice. Unfortunately, I spiraled into something bad, yet again. I'm no preacher of Reefer Madness in the least, but lately every time I smoke (usually after having not smoked for weeks) I become really, really depressed. I don't know if it's ego death or what, but something that used to make me feel truly connected to my higher self is now plunging me into a dimension of dark potential. My thoughts centered on my words spread throughout the internet, and I came to the odd conclusion that everyone is angry with me. I am certain that my words here have pissed off someone (and rightfully so), but not the people whose words I resonate with. I saw grim faces appearing on the walls all around me (my mom told me on the phone that she experienced the same thing months before she passed) and I felt I truly had nothing to turn to and I was inside some sort of cage. It was extremely unpleasant, to say the least... It only lasted for 2 hours maybe, afterwards I was fine (great, actually), and I'm thinking that the fact that I was isolated (though I have been to amazing places in my mind while alone and very stoned with a good book to read and the sun shining) and already running through my mind in a bit of a panic as to what is actually going on in the world before I had smoked had something to do with my depressive state. I had some really horrible thoughts about myself and I have never been known for my confidence or functionality in average affairs. Everything kind of ran up and smacked me in the face but it was all bad stuff...

It makes me think that to fully experience love, one must also experience the opposite, to truly know what love is. The ups and downs (neutral to extreme) are becoming more apparent. Lately I've seen my excursions into cannabis-induced psychosis as a product of synchronicity, a sort of punishment for my neglect of the boundaries of others as my boundaries of my perception of self are stretched and torn. Needless to say, any time I smoke weed I trip really, really hard. It's super-effective. I just need the right atmosphere in order to reach those states of "knowing" I relate my previous kozmik journeys with, and my current atmosphere is actually quite cluttered and dark.