I've been asking myself this question a bit lately... Why do people lie? What is the point of it? Why is it obvious when people are lying? Why do they continue to do it? Do they feel as if they are "on the run" from everyday reality, in a sense?
I live with a pathological liar. This sad example of humanity does nothing but watch TV in the room above me all day. She is completely devoid of a mind of her own, because she has turned it into a lie-machine to get her anything she wants, though at the price of others respecting her. Here's how you can tell someone is lying to your face: 1. Their voice gets louder than yours, in an attempt to drown you out should you bring up any evidence against them. 2. They attempt to leave the scene where you have confronted them as soon as possible. 3. They attempt to ridicule you. 4. They emanate an aura of anxiety and distrust for a long time after having lied, making sure you don't dare approach them asking more questions.
Now, some people are better liars than others. Maybe people who started earlier still have their methods from when they were young, so it's a little more obvious than those who caught on later in life. I know this, because this person I am talking about would lie to get me into trouble for things I didn't do for most of my childhood. I had another "friend" in high school who couldn't complete a single sentence without lying about something, and by this time I saw it as a genuine mental disease. People who lie often are usually the ones "debunking" anyone with an amazing story to tell. But, sometimes they have picked up on something with truth to it, and thus run it into the ground, making it completely unbelievable because of who it's coming from. I realized lying itself was a necessary part of maintaining a day job: You must lie to yourself and say you enjoy it in order to will yourself to return. Whose lies are we living on?
Back to the pathological liar in my house: This person, when being blamed for something they are entirely responsible for, will do every single thing they can to avoid taking blame. They simply can't see a world in which they are ever wrong or guilty for anything, therefore it is the accuser who is actually guilty of the crime, in their mind. In strange cases, when someone besides them is being blamed for something that is indeed their fault, the liar will attempt to divert blame from this person onto an invisible person who is actually causing all of the trouble. If someone else is being blamed for something the liar has done, they will stay quiet and show all the "signs" I listed above.
The second pathological liar I met was actually abused when he was young, which is very different from the person I'm living with, who has rebelled against everything in sight for no reason other than the fact that it isn't her, so she doesn't care what happens to it. The male liar is different. He has different "signs" to show that he is lying: 1. He will not blink or falter once in his recollection of an event which didn't actually happen. 2. He will look you straight in the eye and lie to you (but if you stare back long enough, you will notice that he will look away first). 3. After having lied, he will change the subject, in order to avoid being caught adding or forgetting a detail from his original lie. 4. He will only put out a positive, friendly vibe whilst lying to you, and never show any signs of "thinking" or "rationalizing", it is all stemming from a creative center in the mind, yet with the intention to deceive in order to create a false reality around this person. It will be a constant flow of lies entering your mind, sometimes this will dissociate you from reality just by listening, especially if you aren't aware that they are lying.
I still have my question. What is the purpose of "lying"? Why are we capable of doing this feat of creative thought? Is this what the mind does when it has no artistic output? I think people who lie are more likely to believe the lies of others, like they're playing a little game with eachother without really being aware of it (maybe on some level, but the liar seemingly believes that what ever comes out of someone else's mouth is the gospel truth, while their version of reality is inadequate to meet the status quo so they must make up things about themselves to match the experience of someone else).
From my experience, lies and secrecy are a direct gateway to pain and loss. I lied about my drug use to my now ex-girlfriend (as of 2006) and it ended our friendship and our relationship. It wasn't the drug use, it was the fact that I lied about it. I haven't been able to love anyone or keep a very close friend since. I don't trust myself enough to have someone else find me of any worth. I have taken it upon myself to tell the truth as often as I possibly can, and being around people who must lie to themselves and everyone around them is proving to be a dreadful experience, since I then have to cover up things about myself (such as my esoteric interests at this point in time) to deflect any hatred coming my way. They (one person, at least) are just waiting for an opportunity to call me crazy and have me exiled. I guess lies are like a shield that protects the self, yet veils it from light at the same time...
Put on your best crocodile smile and serve me up a batch of shit-talk.
5 comments:
Tommy quote:
"Put on your best crocodile smile and serve me up a batch of shit-talk."
O.K. I have never once lied in my entire life and never I will.
:Large shit eating grin:
Its a shield, yes. A low defensive mechanism so as that the person who lies does so not just to deflect blame from themselves, but also not to face the truth within themselves. I think the worst lie is perhaps to oneself, that's where it all starts I think.
The worst lies I ever told were to myself in my private moments. The thing is that everyone lies. Whether for selfish purposes and weakness, or to protect someone, something, or some goal. I've never met a person that doesn't lie. Even if a relatively small lie. Some pass falsehoods by omission. Some just lie continuously as part of their existence.
I think at times it may be a small mercy to tell a white lie, or a more significant one so as not to harm another person. Telling the truth all the time, without fail, may just be too harsh.
Though I see that you're more referring to the more damaging type of lie, that serves no purpose other than to deflect and evade.
This is a slightly synchronystic topic for me right now, I've been reading a lot on semiotics, and Umberto Eco in particular. He calls semiotics "The Theory of the Lie":
A quote from his book "A Theory of Semiotics":
"0.1.3. A theory of the lie
This project for semiotics, to study the whole of culture, and thus to view an immense range of objects and events as signs, may give the impression of an arrogant 'imperialism' on the part of semioticians. When a discipline defines 'everything' as its proper object, and therefore declares itself as concerned with the entire universe (and nothing else) it's playing a risky game. The common objection to the 'imperialist' semiotician is: well, if you define a peanut as a sign, obviously semiotics is then concerned with peanut butter as well — but isn't this procedure a little unfair? What I shall try to demonstrate in this book, basing myself on a highly reliable philo sophical and semiotical tradition, is that — semiotically speaking — there is not a substantial difference between peanuts and peanut butter, on the one hand, and the words /peanuts/ and /peanut butter/ on the other. Semiotics is concerned with everything that can be taken as a sign. A sign is everything which can be taken as significantly substituting for something else. This something else does not necessarily have to exist or to actually be somewhere at the moment in which a sign stands in for it. Thus semiotics is in principle the discipline studying everything which can be used in order to lie. If something cannot be used to tell a lie, conversely it cannot be used to tell the truth: it cannot in fact be used 'to tell' at all. I think that the definition of a 'theory of the lie' should be taken as a pretty comprehensive program for a general semiotics."
You're right. It is nearly impossible not to lie at any given time, since truth is so hidden away and nearly unknown... I think the truth is summed up in one word: Love. Though I've found that the more you love someone, the more you are willing to lie in order to maintain the balance between one's idealism and the "truth" of things. But that is solely based on the modern perception of a "loving relationship", which has been altered by centuries of deceitful lies...
It is a strange topic to go into, but I sometimes find myself enraged by the fact that I'm lied to almost every day. It seems the people who lie the most lead the most mediocre, average lives. You think it would be the opposite, where they lie to get themselves into strange situations, but really they are attempting to view the world as something they alone control...
Yeah, I can't even make myself understand the mentality of compulsive liars. It would seem that the most common lies are used to protect the false image of ourselves which others have of us. I don't want people to think differently of me, so I tell a lie which fits their perceptions. I like the Ben Stiller movie Meet the Parents, because it shows how his compulsive lying continues to lead to more problems rather than solve his problems. And Liar Liar shows how sometimes lies sugar coat reality for other people so people don't have to deal with the truth about themselves. Like Jim Carrey tells the secretary her hair is rediculous and the fat guy his cholesteral is high and the well endowed girl that she has huge milk jugs. Lying kept him from saying all those things before, so maybe he should have focused on the good rather than sugar coat the bad with lies.
Oh yeah, when dealing with groups of people, business and politics, this quote sums it up:
"Life is an entanglement of lies to hide its basic mechanisms." - William S. Burroughs
There's not one aspect of the world which escapes the above truth. Yet we all continue on like things really are the way they seem.
Ah, you brought up "Liar Liar"... That's a good movie, even if it's a little sappy.
Thanks for the comments.
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