I am a fool. Obviously. Since everything seems to go completely awry for me at every turn, there must be something I'm doing terribly wrong. There must be a reason that my life is so shitty and frustrating and no one around me seems to give a fuck.
I've had a couple nervous breakdowns today, beginning as soon as I woke up after what must have been 3 hours of sleep. No one I talk to is on my side, and I am always the one at fault for everything that happens. I came to accept this yesterday, because I need a place to live in Atlanta. I apologized to a friend of mine who I lashed out at and haven't talked to in at least 5 months. I have to get out of this place, I am literally going insane being here as I've stated before. I am the target of all the hatred in this house, and I refuse to accept that anymore. Today is very different, in that I am actually retaliating against my oppressors. All I can really do is play music as loud as possible, to spread some of the anger and annoyance that these people have inflicted onto me. I tore a chunk out of my finger playing my guitar in a state of fury and didn't notice until I saw blood flying.
There is so much happening at once that my brain is melting down. I'm hoping that I can leave at least by next week and get away from all this shit.
5 comments:
sorry.
I've been up and down all day too.
hope things get better for you.
thanks Ishmael
Today pretty much exploded.
I don't really have anyone to relate to in my house except my kids. Most of my family doesn't see the world like I do, it can get quite frustration but I think that is why I want to start practicing meditation instead of being on my computer (my escape) all day, just wasting away, lol.
You always have to remember how many people have it so much worse then you. Just think about the people living on the streets with nothing. It's depressing but sometimes you have to think that way.
Hope things look up for you man and practice some positive thinking and you will start reflecting that. I still freak out out of frustration every now and then but I use to be worse, way worse.
Hang in there, you'll make it.
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