Binders of the Stargate

Sorry for not posting more often, been kind of busy with my personal life and my internet randomly goes down so I don't use it very often. Yes, I still have to deal with the same crap as usual every day, none of it has changed at all. I have a feeling I went crazy a long time ago and I can't really come to grips with it. Oh well.

Some interesting things that have happened, I guess:

A friend and I have been watching movies together, syncing up our videos and "discussing" them over AOL Instant Messenger (my screen name is Scrambo74 if you're interested in talking) for the sole purpose of trashing them. The first movie we watched was an occult action movie made this year called "Hellbinders", starring the Asian Black Ranger from the Power Rangers movie and the guy who played Darth Maul in Star Wars Episode 1. This movie was supposed to be like a comic book or something, even though I'm not sure Hellbinders is an actual comic (I'm also not sure who makes a comic book movie that isn't based on a real comic, although one of the three directors [all three of them stuntmen who were in Power Rangers series] made a documentary about porn star John Holmes) The movie opens with a literal Knight Templar fighting a demon or something in the "Holy Land" (looks more like Antarctica, and both of them make this constant low-pitched growling sound effect), sometime in the middle ages:



This guy is named "Cain", he is the "last remaining member of the Knights Templar" (yeah, right!) and he is supposed to be super-badass and immortal, since the movie cuts from this scene and goes directly to Los Angeles where we meet this guy Max (Darth Maul):



Max has just taken a mission (he's a mercenary) from two cops to deliver an occult book to a guy named "Samael" who runs an opium den. The other part of the mission is to kill him and all his followers. Later we learn that Max has no soul, because he died for 20 minutes (apparently your soul is up for grabs when you die for 20 minutes).

Next we meet some kind of emo ninja named Ryu:



He is on a mission to defeat the Oni (demons), or something like that. He's an assassin. He's a ninja who wears eyeliner. All three of the characters we've met are impervious to the soul-stealing and possession powers of Samael, and they meet eachother through "coincidence" (synchronicity can and will be used as a plot device) and realize they're all on the same quest. Not sure what's up with the immortal Knight Templar character, he looks like some guy they just picked up in a gas station parking lot or something. He's got some kind of skullet ponytail as well.



Cain's quest is to stop the book from being delivered to Samael, which Max has already done by the point they meet. A few people are choked.





Comic book panels are tacky and overused in this movie:




So we have 3 (hermetic resonance, important to Freemasons) heroes: a Knight Templar, an Assassin, and soulless mercenary on a quest to do... Something. And that "something" is kill. All they do is murder and murder again. The Cain character (Cain, like the murderer from the bible/middle pillar in Masonry?) is there only to drivel on about Masonic stuff and tell the familiar (though biased, as usual) story of the Templars. His lines could have been taken directly from National Treasure. Ryu, the ninja assassin, learns that he is trapped in a cycle and is doomed to repeat it until he does something (I don't think it's really explained), and proceeds to eat pancakes with ketchup on them. He claims that ninjas love pancakes. That's the film's attempt at humor.

Basically, it's a bunch of filler with a moralistic vibe combined with a few sporadic bursts of violence involving our three heroes going up against Samael's opium den cult and random possessed citizens. Oh, and the cult is performing some black magic in the form of a blood pentagram on the floor, creating a portal from Hell into this world. Isn't that nice? Right now, all the "demon lord" (I have to guess it's just Samael) does is possess random people and make them kill anyone who tries to stop them from opening the portal. A lot of the film tries to explain how this all works, and doesn't really do it well. The way peoples' souls fly around, you'd think this was a rejected Ghostbusters film. Oh, and I commented to my friend that there aren't any binders from Hell in this movie, but the book that Max delivers to Samael in the beginning is a hell binder I suppose. Well, actually it's supposed to be this movie's equivalent of the emerald tablets of Thoth (?), since Cain explains that all of King Solomon's knowledge is in that book. A few beatings later, and everything is just peachy (except for the fact that Max has rented his soul back from Beelzebub, opening up the desperate chance for a sequel or something).

This movie has a stargate in the popular form of the blood pentagram on the floor (that's how you know it's evil! Also, for added sync-nificance, it's being painted by a woman named "Kamila Korz"/KK in real life):



Here we see Cain,, standing in front of a pillar with the sky behind it, some Tiger(2010)/Kat/Sun pillows on the couch in the back, with a light shining:



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Our next movie was Plan 9 from Outer Space. I hadn't seen it in a few years. It's one of those movie that can't really be explained, so I suggest you watch it on Youtube - Plan 9 From Outer Space if you have the time and are ready to see something so bad that it's a glorious sight to behold. I featured it in this post because it contains the number 9, which has been popping up everywhere in sync webs recently.