(edit: I don't feel so down anymore, had a good laugh, but I'm leaving this here because creating a log of these emotions instead of ignoring them entirely seems to help. I'm not sure how I'm capable of such extremes, honestly.)
Reached the end of the rope...
More trouble sleeping lately. Cat's in heat again, making noise all throughout the night, a barrage of desperate wails echoing through the house every 10 minutes until the sun begins to rise. Gotta get that thing spayed. Tried to sleep at 1 in the morning, didn't succeed until maybe 6 or 7. Lying down I went through a whirling vortex of emotions, starting with sadness, going through hope and love, ending in a feeling of futility and loss. Trance induced, I was stuck half awake and half asleep for what seemed like hours. No emotion, just a slight feeling of branching out of myself as if astral leaves were growing out of my being. Wake up... The sound of carpenters' hammers banging, strangers' mocking laughter, kitchen clangs and rude behavior. Still stuck in my bed with only one motive in mind, to fall back asleep. Didn't happen. Now cold physically and emotionally, scavenging, thoughts of escape like a dream not remembered....
I seem to be losing the struggle for my well-being, cursing everything around me like a baby throwing a temper tantrum. I despise the one who lashes out in hate when they don't get everything they want, and I haven't been too kind to myself lately. Empty now, I am drained of whatever energy could have pulled me out of the hole that was dug just for me.
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