Clouded

I feel like my mind is very clouded lately. I keep bursting into fits of rage and they are getting worse every day. I think this might be a message to stop ignoring certain problems and finally deal with them...

It seems as if interacting with people so out of touch with their inner self is poisoning my will to progress. These people hurt me... They provide things which can only harm my being and hinder my realization of truth. All of this anger is building up somewhere within in me and never comes out. There is a price to pay for humility... People with none will take advantage of our peaceful nature and crush us slowly. I wonder when all of this pain will be over, or if it ever will be...

I like to think I deserve a little more than I'm getting. I'm not saying because I find odd news stories and filter them for syncs that I am divining anything, or reaching some sort of ultimate conclusion on the state of things. I refuse to provide energy to the mass-manipulation machine and because of that I am overpowered and oppressed by those who do. I'm in a dark place and glimmers of light sometimes shine through the cracks which are created by my endless struggle against slavery and insanity. I hate to admit how weak I feel, but it doesn't seem so strange when you see how empty most people are inside, and how they gaze endlessly into a light which blinds... The light they are attracted to is not the light which you and I seek, it is a spiritual placebo in the form of "all your feeble, conditioned wishes are granted through imprisonment". It's nonsensical, a paradox only accepted and acted out by those who are themselves victims, a great cosmic con perpetuated onto the self... An inner cosmic conflict with "one" who wishes to see you free and at peace with the universe.

Our bodies are the vehicles of our consciousness, but some are driving drunkenly into (paradoxical?) well-cemented etheric structures, forever living in the moment before impact... Forever fearing loss, material in nature...


We are spiritually abused daily, yet are numb to the pain which has coursed through our collective being for a very long time. The spirit knows pain, it befriends the shadow to understand it better in order to decrease this ethereal hurt. The shadow is not to be avoided, it is misunderstood and abused itself by those who know only to inflict the pain they have felt onto others. A fake, unconscious existence is offered to us daily on a silver platter, and we turn it away while those who don't wish to look within themselves take it immediately.

Perhaps you find it hypocritical of me to speak this way... I, who waste my time boiling over seemingly minor annoyances. I am able to step back and see the "bigger picture", but it is constantly changing and re-forming. To be one with this divine master-image would be bliss... Wouldn't it? Is that not what we are experiencing right now? Do we seek a void, where we are "alone", yet consciously co-creating our reality? What is it that we seek...? Maybe it's something which has never been spoken of because there is no existing model for it, our true essence...

Still I find myself tense and saddened by my seeming rejection from any true one-ness and peace with the outside. There is an infinite dialog playing out in my mind, a questioning of reality which never ceases, and the answers quickly fade into mist...