During and after my meditations lately I've been reaching a strange place in my mind. I am tuned into extreme polarities, what one could call switching between heaven and hell. It almost seems like pure luck that I tune into either, and when I accidentally go to hell, it's not fun. In hell mode, every move I make is advanced by some inner force of darkness and my thoughts are invaded by sinister entities that take over my energetic form and make it perform incredibly evil acts. My way of breaking out of this trance is to place my awareness back into my physical body, to settle into the structural balance inherent in this universe. This is limbo, you could say. Proving to myself, I am not doing those horrible things I see in my mind's eye, I am sitting here calmly and at peace with my surroundings. It's a blessing that we are not constantly spiraling into the chaos of lost autonomy.
My heaven mode is where I decide that I, as a loving being, am in charge of my perceptions. Everything makes sense, and it's far beyond any sort of rational explanation, or reason to explain to others because they must find it on their own. When we are in pain, we view our entire lives as taking place within that pain realm. When we feel that all-encompassing love, it is all we have ever known. Yet they act as analogs, references to one another. We exist at the merging point of those analogs, we are their transaction. We are the energy of their interactions and fluctuations - we created them.
So, lately I've been far too mired in hell mode to really explore different perceptions. This archonic entity is acting to prevent me from altering reality too much. And in a weird way, I am appreciative of that. I know that I must listen to the heartbeat of being more to be able to do this properly. Something is speaking as if to say "so, you've figured out that your mind and your reality are one, what will you do if thoughtforms that are not your own end up in your mind?" Is this paradoxical? And could it just be showing me viruses in my holographic mindfield that could be screwing up my reality? I am convinced that our consciousness is far more influential upon our relative realities than we are aware of. One of my more frightening drug experiences involved me coming to the realization that by observing conspiracies and demonic alien forces, I was creating their reality. I alone, as a quantum observer, was responsible for the terror and iniquity of the world I found myself in. Which is, of course, why shamans are important. My only consolation within this total hell I find myself in from time to time (more often than not lately) is to actively direct my thoughts, to clear my mind-space of archetypal influence. I become nothingness, I clear the slate so to speak, back to the drawing board. I am not the artist nor the art, I am the act of art becoming and all variables involved.
We only know as much as what we're thinking about at the moment. We build big houses of cards and sometimes live in them for our whole lives, constantly in fear of inevitable winds, or approaching pachyderms. However, my interactions with the universal mind as of late are troubling. Synchronicity is informing me of a darker truth than what I am comfortable with. Something involving time loops and what Mark LeClair refers to as a "false womb". What's good is that there is equal response to negate or transmute this notion. My daily ventures into the vegetable biosphere are soaking me in the most undeniable beauty. I cannot observe the majesty of these trees, their deep, glowing hues of green in the foreground of the pink sunset without feeling like I am somewhere so pure and perfect, tarnished only by the cold logic of man's systems, of culture's needs, of our selfish stupidity in contrast to the wisdom of animal and plant kingdoms. There is something to be said of the beauty we have the option to interact with on a daily basis.
It's very important to consider your role in what you see around you. Some associations stick more than others due to the aesthetic in which you initially experienced them. But if those wear out, one should always go "back to the drawing board" and re-associate. You have that power, although from personal experience, it is not easy at first. I like to try and observe things without using words. What becomes important to you about that object? How do you see yourself as affecting it non-locally? How can you use this associative restructuring to make life better? To assume that one could simply be fooling oneself into delusions of grandeur by doing this would be implying an absolute perceivable reality to which all should subscribe, which is of course completely ridiculous.
"Everything should be constellated outward from the perceiving self. That is the primary datum." - Terence McKenna
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